Thursday, August 12, 2010

Goodnight Earth

So for the last two nights I have woken up dreaming about names. The first night was boy's names. The second night was girl's names. I love names. When I was a little girl my father used to have a very old dictionary with a section in the back called "Common Christian Names". The binding was falling apart and the pages were so thin they were nearly transparent. He used to keep it on a high shelf in his bedroom and I used to take it down to read all of the old fashioned sounding names. Here are some of the names going around in my dreams...

Fulton Adirondack
Fulton Thoreau
Arthur Heron
Drew Art
Ponyo Adirondack
Ursulina Mercy
Thendara Mercy
Gloria Adirondack
Ursa Thoreau

Dear readers, I was truly touched by the outpouring of supportive comments I received today. Such JUICY-NESS! You all are the best. I want to send each and every one of you a hug. As a small token of my appreciation, I added some new music to the playlist. I hope that you like it! If you find it annoying, on the right hand side of the screen in the green box is the music player, and you can hit the stop button to make it stop. Thanks for missing me, and thanks for coming back again.

I slept a full night last night, woke up feeling great, and then slept another two hours in the afternoon. Everything is Just. So. Exhausting.  The girls and I made some blackstrap molasses cookies. You weren't kidding, that shit is vile! The kids won't eat the cookies, but I figure if it looks like a cookie, and has the texture of a cookie, I can dunk it in milk and pretend it is really a cookie. I consider the alternatives. These will still slide down easier than liver-yecch! I think next time I will try some of that nettle tonic stuff.

In other exciting news: I GREW A CUCUMBER ON MY TOPSY TURVY. It is a damn fine one, too, all fat and green. It has been a very hot, dry summer and that cucumber was only coaxed forth with a good dose of determination.

In other, other exciting news: this morning there was no dead rat in a pool of rat blood on my doorstep. There was yesterday. Does some neighborhood cat fancy me, and want to bring me presents? I almost cried it was so gross.

No, today was a very good day. I found something I lost. I got out of work early. I got to take an afternoon nap in the arms of my love.  My husband got some very good news in the avenue of his business. I am having fun imagining the trip to the amusement park I am planning for sunday. I love anticipation far more than surprises, don't you?

I'm just fucking tired is all.

Goodnight Earth
by Patty Wigington

The earth is big and fat and round,

I love the sky, the sea and the ground,

I love the birds and dogs and sheep,

and all the animals that fall asleep,

I love the flowers and rocks and trees,

I love the earth, and it loves me.

love and light,
your friend,

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Life Audit

Fuck yeah, I'm still alive. I've been in the middle of a life audit. I've been taking apart all of the little pieces of my life, looking at them, knocking them about on the table and wondering if they are still good. I've got it all spread out in front of me.

1)Marriage? Challenging, but valueable.
2)Parenting? Golden.
3)Job? Bags of drizzling shit on a hot day, with flies
4)Apartment? Great, but ready for change/scared of change
5)Health? Totally retarded...anemia, I think?
6)Art? Dying of neglect.
7)Nature? Making good effort.
8)Spirituality? Reawakening.
9)Friends? Great, but always prepared for greater. Wackier.
10)Future? Feels bleak.
11)Finances? An embarrassment to my upper middle class upbringing.
12)Happiness? Hovering at 75%
13)The Ex? Still grateful! Still gone!

I've been having talks with the Universe about "some things", and shockingly, the Universe talks back. I throw out the questions, and then something will happen that is an obvious and direct answer.
God is good, all the time!

The question was,"I want to change EVERYTHING ABOUT ME! Where the fuckity-all do I even START!?" The answer was an invitation to a class on Peruvian Shamanism. Now, The Secret says that when an opportunity arises, you have to grab it! and take it! The Universe does not like hesitation, right? So, what do I do? Hesitate! This class is expensive, and I am broke. Every penny I spend is money I have taken out of the mouths of my children, I think. Then I also think, it is okay to do something for yourself. It is okay to try something new and to dive into an interest. But then I am back to, well, what do you DO with THAT? Does it serve a purpose? Does it have a monetary value? A spiritual value? Or is it just mental masterbation because you are bored with your sad, sad little life?

The class doesn't start until february, so I've got lots of time to think. Plus, I've got christmas and my birthday in there, so I have time to save up the money. And time to change my mind several times.

I consulted my advisors-

My husband..."I can't advise you on this. This is one you have to work out from your gut. Of course, I will support you either way."

My coworker..."That is really cool, but that is tooooooooo much money. You can learn that stuff on your own."

 My mom..."Hahaha! Wait, are you serious? Well, you could go to ONE, and then see if you think it is valueable to keep going..."

I'm looking for a new house, but I am not moving anywhere that is not COMPLETELY awesome.

Me-would you be mad if we didn't move right now?
Younger-I want to move before winter!
Me-The experts say it is not good to move children all the time.
Older-The experts are totally ridiculous! I want an adventure. Adventure is GOOD for children! We are an adventure family. We have been in this house too long.
Younger- We've moved a bazillion times and we like it! That's for only when you change schools and you lose all of your friends and stuff. We can stay in the same school. We vote MOVE!

In other news, I haven't been to a doctor, but I think I am severly anemic. After some research, I have discovered that I hate all iron rich foods and survive solely on foods that block iron from being absorbed by the body. I have been anemic before, so I am aware of what it feels like. It feels like the morning after a sleepover where you had a great time, got no sleep and ate cake and pizza and soda and then had to wake up early the next day...times twenty.

So, one thing that is rich in iron is something called BLACK STRAP MOLASSES. Does anyone know what to do with this stuff??? I've got a bottle of it. Now what?

love and light,
your friend,

Sunday, July 25, 2010

It is too hot to think of a title...

I am so flattered that people want to know where I am. I'm right here!

misc. wrestlers at the dojo
It is a sunday, so my husband and I delivered papers at 6 am. The bed of the truck was completely full of sunday papers-this route is so long! We have some apartment complexes on our route, square, communist-looking monstrosities without elevators, so up and down, up and down the stairs we go. The thermometer in the truck said 94 at 7 am. So, say it was in the sun, it was at least 85 before the sun had even risen over the trees, with a gazillion percent humidity.

My husband was soaked from sweat. He looked like he had showered with his clothes on. I do not sweat. I'm incapable of sweating, so I turn fire engine red and wheeze in the most attractive manner. Also, my hair is HUGE. I kind of like how weird it makes me look. I brush out my curls and unveil it's full mass, then I go to the grocery store to scare the "norms". This is what I have to do for fun in this town.

What else have I been doing for fun in this town? Oh, baby showers. Four young women at my office are expecting. All boys. I have been invited to four baby showers, two of which were yesterday. Add to that a kid's birthday party, and two sleepovers, and you have the soccer mom's rock n' roll lifestyle. Blue crepe paper, blue cake, little blue outfits by the marching military masses. I won the game of "who can name the most baby animals!"

Watch this:
Baby swan? Signet
Baby frog? tadpole
Baby fox? kitten
Baby panda? cub
Baby owl? owlet

Boo-ya! I got it. My friends, with all due respect, didn't know what a baby horse was. REALLY? You really, really don't know what a baby horse is called?

Not a pony!

A foal.

Calling a baby horse a pony is like calling a baby human a midget. Incorrect. Sorry. You don't win the blue baby shower prize. You need to go home and read your Ranger Rick that your grandma got you for ten years and never even opened, because if you DID you would know that a baby horse is a FOAL.

(My husband says he had Highlights magazine and that is why he now hates The Environment.)

So, Mountain, why does your hand look all purple?

 Well, I'm so glad you asked!

I was just, you know, using kool-aid to put purple streaks in my kid's hair.

Tomorrow is the first day of Peace Camp. She has to look her best!

Love and light,
your friend,

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Entry After The Turtle Story

It is not that I didn't know how to follow the turtle story, it is just that I have been working every day in my cubicle, every evening in taking the children on a soul-enriching outing, and every night on social media projects for my husband's business. Other than that, I've been bored! :) If you see me on facebook for like 7 hours at night, it is not that I have no life. I am NETWORKING for BUSINESS, ok? Good. Get it straight. In one week, my husband's fictional wrestling character has 83 friends, and that doesn't just happen on it's own, people.

So, I saw the massive wall swiftly approaching called :::::::Burnout, but I was moving so fast there was nothing I could do but hit it squarely with a mighty THUD.

If I was my previously more spiritual and observant self, I would have gotten the tip when everything in my house broke at the same time.You know, the radio doesn't get stolen, the check engine light doesn't go on, the expensive theme park tickets didn't go missing, the china butterdish that was the one nice thing from the old life doesn't break, the tv doesn't break, the computer doesn't break...........are you getting the idea?..................just for no reason. Was the message slow the fuck down? I don't know, I went by too fast.

My father told me that being busy and worried and overscheduled is just the part of life that I am going through right now. He tells me this while sitting in the sun with his pipe, reading a novel. "It will pass." I keep trying to remember that this is my time to hustle, and then put my shoulders down and work a little bit harder.

Then I tried to get up at 4 am and help on the paper route.  Yes, we are doing the paper route again. Yes, those babies just got in a habit of eating three times a day, and I can't break them from it. This is a bigger and better and more lucrative paperroute, and it will be over OCT 4. We are not doing it one day longer. I put my foot down. I want a ticker at the bottom of the page to Oct 4...END OF THE PAPER ROUTE.  So, I tried to get up at 4 am, and I did, and I drove while he delivered, and then I was dead. I mean, I got to work, but at work they were like,"you feeling ok?" See, I was quiet. Real quiet, and it set my coworkers on edge. Ms. Personality was shut down for the day, and my supervisor, bless his heart, was nice enough to send me home. My job is very slow right now, so it is ok.

Yesterday I just layed in my bed and said I was sick. I felt dizzy. Multitasking is the devil. I read once that the quickest way to burnout is by multitasking because our brains are just not set up to do 17 things at the same time like I always do. We feel like we are being efficient, but really we are just frying the circuits.

It's not all bad. We have no debt. We are afloat. We have no credit cards. The bills are paid. We have food, a lovely apartment, lots of cool neighbors and a great school. We're healthy, strong, smart and honest. I have a huge, loving supportive family. I just want more power in the choices I have in life.

So, today I set to work on the reset after the crash. I went for  a bike ride with the kids. I asked my husband out on a date. We spent some time walking hand in hand and talking it out. I love that I can always trust that he is doing his best. He fucks up frequently, but he is never lazy, lying, stealing or cheating. He suffers most from inexperience. I help him prioritize and think things through (yeah, there is the blind leading the blind!). We move forward one step at a time.

The girls are running a lemonade stand out in front of the pizza shop on this sweltering day. Life is never easy, but it is good.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The story, how I heard it...

so, like, me and my boy was drivin by this park, right?
and I say, yo, stop the car?

and he's like what the fuck?
and I said that is a straight giant turtle in the road, g!
and he said, like, whatever

and I was like, no, we gotta save him
and he was like, whatever, muthafucka

that turtle is straight

and I was like can you believe some nigga just left him here? He musta been a pet

and then he was like, No, that muthafucka too big
and I said whatev whatev
and we turned the car around

and I'm tellin ya this muthafucka was HUGE



and it

have like a long tail and shit?
you ever seen a long tail on a turtle? Like what the fuck, right?

so, we go to pick it up, me and this negro
and it's like hissing like a mofo

and this thing is HEAVY
and it like darts its head out at us like dis
like dis, see?
and it has a point on it's mouth, like a beak

but, yo, I know how to handle this shit, right?
I mean, I gotta save the turtle, yo, right?

so I get a blanket, me and my boy, we get this blanket, right?
and we trow the blanket over the giant turlte muthafucka
and we put him in the trunk!

but, like this water starts pouring out of him
and it stink like a mother.
like stink to holy hell

Mountain interjects-Hector, that might possibly be turtle pee?

so the muthafucka pisses all over me, and my blanket, and thankfully
my friends car, right? Haha!

so, we drivin

we got the giant turtle, yo
with the weird ass long tail
and it fuckin stinkin
and we took it to this like, nice pond and shit

that aint got no roads around it and shit
and then we gotta get it out of the trunk, right?

so muthafucka gives me the blanket
and now it stinking and wet and shit
and the turtle is doing it's head like dis, see

and that beak shit is sharp!
and I say to my friend

you watch that tail, holmes
because it is possible that he is getting ready to hit you with that

and if that shit hit you, watch out!


so, of course, I gotta grab the turtle
cause negro aint gonna help none.
did I say it was heavy, because when I say heavy
I mean that turtle was huge and HE-VEE

and it's got it's tail goin, and it's got it's beak goin, and it's hissin
and I'm grabbin it out of the trunk
and I got it, right? I got the turtle
and I can't leave it there

so I like put that heavy mutha down

and it don't move none.

So I like, tap it, yo
I like tap it, and it goes like a foot, then stops.

So, I like tap it again, right?
yo I tap that fucker again

that stinky fuckin turtle
and it goes another foot
so I gotta go tru this process all the way
to the mutha fuckin pond, yo.

and my friend is laughin his ass off
but I'm just laughin on the inside, yo
cause it be his car that stinkin!

and the turtle finally gets to that pond,
and he swim away

and he swim away just like dat.
Believe dis. Truly beautiful, yo.
Truly. Believe dis.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Photos of an Evening Walk

Ya see, cloud, what you have to do is RAIN!
It is finally raining! Hooray! Hooray! I have never ached for rain before. Usually northeastern summers are steamy and green. This long, long wait for water is not the norm at all. I really began to feel an instinctual pull from inside, like a dog before an earthquake. I looked at the sky and contemplated the broken clouds.

Last night I walked with the girls along the same route I have walked hundreds of times before. We walked to their old school, the one I faithfully walked back and forth from 3 times a day when the little one was in kindergarten. The same one we walked to for school concerts. The same one we walk to after a good evening meal to stretch out legs and see who else is at the playground.  I took along a camera, figuring what I have seen a million times might be new to one or two of you!

 We met up with a neighbor walking her dog. I was taking a picture of my foot. She said,"What ya doing with that camera?"
"Scratching a creative itch,"I say. "I sit in a cubicle all day."

The days have been in the high nineties. Like in the winter when you open the door and brace yourself for an arctic blast, this past week you have to mentally prepare to enter the oven. My parents to the north have no air conditioning, and are just walking around the house naked. Those yankees just are not prepared for this kind of thing. They will be laughing at the southerners when the snow hits, though.

I haven't been doing anything at work but sitting at the reception desk, transferring calls to the executives and perfecting my Bookworm game. They won't hire me for the position because I have a disciplinary action against me for poor attendence, so every day they call me from my position and I do the job without being awarded the title. I consider this an afront, and don't try to hard.

This town was supposed to be temporary. This was supposed to be a few months to appease the civil court system into awarding me full custody. Five years ago.  Now I realize these will be the streets the girls remember as their home. These are the streets where they learned how to ride bikes, where they chased the boys they like, where they caught fireflies.

love and light,
your friend,

Thursday, July 8, 2010

June in Photos

The Rose Garden in June

Come on, let's run!

It's hot! Let's go over to Nana's and see if we can use the hose.

We are hungry! What can we EAT !?!

You guys like hamburgers? They are almost ready and they smell good!

Ok, we can play just a little longer!

My best friend and her husband are here from Vermont, checking out the city life.

BFFs FOREVER!!!!! Why is your head half the size of mine?

Good thing we are so good lookin' cuz the boys luv us!

I don't know why you are laughing! We are HAWT!