Sunday, July 25, 2010

It is too hot to think of a title...

I am so flattered that people want to know where I am. I'm right here!

misc. wrestlers at the dojo
It is a sunday, so my husband and I delivered papers at 6 am. The bed of the truck was completely full of sunday papers-this route is so long! We have some apartment complexes on our route, square, communist-looking monstrosities without elevators, so up and down, up and down the stairs we go. The thermometer in the truck said 94 at 7 am. So, say it was in the sun, it was at least 85 before the sun had even risen over the trees, with a gazillion percent humidity.

My husband was soaked from sweat. He looked like he had showered with his clothes on. I do not sweat. I'm incapable of sweating, so I turn fire engine red and wheeze in the most attractive manner. Also, my hair is HUGE. I kind of like how weird it makes me look. I brush out my curls and unveil it's full mass, then I go to the grocery store to scare the "norms". This is what I have to do for fun in this town.

What else have I been doing for fun in this town? Oh, baby showers. Four young women at my office are expecting. All boys. I have been invited to four baby showers, two of which were yesterday. Add to that a kid's birthday party, and two sleepovers, and you have the soccer mom's rock n' roll lifestyle. Blue crepe paper, blue cake, little blue outfits by the marching military masses. I won the game of "who can name the most baby animals!"

Watch this:
Baby swan? Signet
Baby frog? tadpole
Baby fox? kitten
Baby panda? cub
Baby owl? owlet

Boo-ya! I got it. My friends, with all due respect, didn't know what a baby horse was. REALLY? You really, really don't know what a baby horse is called?

Not a pony!

A foal.

Calling a baby horse a pony is like calling a baby human a midget. Incorrect. Sorry. You don't win the blue baby shower prize. You need to go home and read your Ranger Rick that your grandma got you for ten years and never even opened, because if you DID you would know that a baby horse is a FOAL.

(My husband says he had Highlights magazine and that is why he now hates The Environment.)

So, Mountain, why does your hand look all purple?

 Well, I'm so glad you asked!

I was just, you know, using kool-aid to put purple streaks in my kid's hair.

Tomorrow is the first day of Peace Camp. She has to look her best!

Love and light,
your friend,


  1. that's a lot of baby boy showers to attend....didn't you want to throw in a pink outfit or two just to mess with the new mommies? Hope the purple fades off your hand soon. I know your daughter will be the hit of Peace Camp.

  2. Glad to know it was Kool Aid. I was thinking newspaper dye. Yeck. Peace Camp watch out. Small Diva comin' through!


In my hideout, I don't reveal my identity. If you know me, help me keep my secret.