Thursday, August 12, 2010

Goodnight Earth

So for the last two nights I have woken up dreaming about names. The first night was boy's names. The second night was girl's names. I love names. When I was a little girl my father used to have a very old dictionary with a section in the back called "Common Christian Names". The binding was falling apart and the pages were so thin they were nearly transparent. He used to keep it on a high shelf in his bedroom and I used to take it down to read all of the old fashioned sounding names. Here are some of the names going around in my dreams...

Fulton Adirondack
Fulton Thoreau
Arthur Heron
Drew Art
Ponyo Adirondack
Ursulina Mercy
Thendara Mercy
Gloria Adirondack
Ursa Thoreau

Dear readers, I was truly touched by the outpouring of supportive comments I received today. Such JUICY-NESS! You all are the best. I want to send each and every one of you a hug. As a small token of my appreciation, I added some new music to the playlist. I hope that you like it! If you find it annoying, on the right hand side of the screen in the green box is the music player, and you can hit the stop button to make it stop. Thanks for missing me, and thanks for coming back again.

I slept a full night last night, woke up feeling great, and then slept another two hours in the afternoon. Everything is Just. So. Exhausting.  The girls and I made some blackstrap molasses cookies. You weren't kidding, that shit is vile! The kids won't eat the cookies, but I figure if it looks like a cookie, and has the texture of a cookie, I can dunk it in milk and pretend it is really a cookie. I consider the alternatives. These will still slide down easier than liver-yecch! I think next time I will try some of that nettle tonic stuff.

In other exciting news: I GREW A CUCUMBER ON MY TOPSY TURVY. It is a damn fine one, too, all fat and green. It has been a very hot, dry summer and that cucumber was only coaxed forth with a good dose of determination.

In other, other exciting news: this morning there was no dead rat in a pool of rat blood on my doorstep. There was yesterday. Does some neighborhood cat fancy me, and want to bring me presents? I almost cried it was so gross.

No, today was a very good day. I found something I lost. I got out of work early. I got to take an afternoon nap in the arms of my love.  My husband got some very good news in the avenue of his business. I am having fun imagining the trip to the amusement park I am planning for sunday. I love anticipation far more than surprises, don't you?

I'm just fucking tired is all.

Goodnight Earth
by Patty Wigington

The earth is big and fat and round,

I love the sky, the sea and the ground,

I love the birds and dogs and sheep,

and all the animals that fall asleep,

I love the flowers and rocks and trees,

I love the earth, and it loves me.

love and light,
your friend,

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Life Audit

Fuck yeah, I'm still alive. I've been in the middle of a life audit. I've been taking apart all of the little pieces of my life, looking at them, knocking them about on the table and wondering if they are still good. I've got it all spread out in front of me.

1)Marriage? Challenging, but valueable.
2)Parenting? Golden.
3)Job? Bags of drizzling shit on a hot day, with flies
4)Apartment? Great, but ready for change/scared of change
5)Health? Totally retarded...anemia, I think?
6)Art? Dying of neglect.
7)Nature? Making good effort.
8)Spirituality? Reawakening.
9)Friends? Great, but always prepared for greater. Wackier.
10)Future? Feels bleak.
11)Finances? An embarrassment to my upper middle class upbringing.
12)Happiness? Hovering at 75%
13)The Ex? Still grateful! Still gone!

I've been having talks with the Universe about "some things", and shockingly, the Universe talks back. I throw out the questions, and then something will happen that is an obvious and direct answer.
God is good, all the time!

The question was,"I want to change EVERYTHING ABOUT ME! Where the fuckity-all do I even START!?" The answer was an invitation to a class on Peruvian Shamanism. Now, The Secret says that when an opportunity arises, you have to grab it! and take it! The Universe does not like hesitation, right? So, what do I do? Hesitate! This class is expensive, and I am broke. Every penny I spend is money I have taken out of the mouths of my children, I think. Then I also think, it is okay to do something for yourself. It is okay to try something new and to dive into an interest. But then I am back to, well, what do you DO with THAT? Does it serve a purpose? Does it have a monetary value? A spiritual value? Or is it just mental masterbation because you are bored with your sad, sad little life?

The class doesn't start until february, so I've got lots of time to think. Plus, I've got christmas and my birthday in there, so I have time to save up the money. And time to change my mind several times.

I consulted my advisors-

My husband..."I can't advise you on this. This is one you have to work out from your gut. Of course, I will support you either way."

My coworker..."That is really cool, but that is tooooooooo much money. You can learn that stuff on your own."

 My mom..."Hahaha! Wait, are you serious? Well, you could go to ONE, and then see if you think it is valueable to keep going..."

I'm looking for a new house, but I am not moving anywhere that is not COMPLETELY awesome.

Me-would you be mad if we didn't move right now?
Younger-I want to move before winter!
Me-The experts say it is not good to move children all the time.
Older-The experts are totally ridiculous! I want an adventure. Adventure is GOOD for children! We are an adventure family. We have been in this house too long.
Younger- We've moved a bazillion times and we like it! That's for only when you change schools and you lose all of your friends and stuff. We can stay in the same school. We vote MOVE!

In other news, I haven't been to a doctor, but I think I am severly anemic. After some research, I have discovered that I hate all iron rich foods and survive solely on foods that block iron from being absorbed by the body. I have been anemic before, so I am aware of what it feels like. It feels like the morning after a sleepover where you had a great time, got no sleep and ate cake and pizza and soda and then had to wake up early the next day...times twenty.

So, one thing that is rich in iron is something called BLACK STRAP MOLASSES. Does anyone know what to do with this stuff??? I've got a bottle of it. Now what?

love and light,
your friend,