Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Life Audit

Fuck yeah, I'm still alive. I've been in the middle of a life audit. I've been taking apart all of the little pieces of my life, looking at them, knocking them about on the table and wondering if they are still good. I've got it all spread out in front of me.

1)Marriage? Challenging, but valueable.
2)Parenting? Golden.
3)Job? Bags of drizzling shit on a hot day, with flies
4)Apartment? Great, but ready for change/scared of change
5)Health? Totally retarded...anemia, I think?
6)Art? Dying of neglect.
7)Nature? Making good effort.
8)Spirituality? Reawakening.
9)Friends? Great, but always prepared for greater. Wackier.
10)Future? Feels bleak.
11)Finances? An embarrassment to my upper middle class upbringing.
12)Happiness? Hovering at 75%
13)The Ex? Still grateful! Still gone!

I've been having talks with the Universe about "some things", and shockingly, the Universe talks back. I throw out the questions, and then something will happen that is an obvious and direct answer.
God is good, all the time!

The question was,"I want to change EVERYTHING ABOUT ME! Where the fuckity-all do I even START!?" The answer was an invitation to a class on Peruvian Shamanism. Now, The Secret says that when an opportunity arises, you have to grab it! and take it! The Universe does not like hesitation, right? So, what do I do? Hesitate! This class is expensive, and I am broke. Every penny I spend is money I have taken out of the mouths of my children, I think. Then I also think, it is okay to do something for yourself. It is okay to try something new and to dive into an interest. But then I am back to, well, what do you DO with THAT? Does it serve a purpose? Does it have a monetary value? A spiritual value? Or is it just mental masterbation because you are bored with your sad, sad little life?

The class doesn't start until february, so I've got lots of time to think. Plus, I've got christmas and my birthday in there, so I have time to save up the money. And time to change my mind several times.

I consulted my advisors-

My husband..."I can't advise you on this. This is one you have to work out from your gut. Of course, I will support you either way."

My coworker..."That is really cool, but that is tooooooooo much money. You can learn that stuff on your own."

 My mom..."Hahaha! Wait, are you serious? Well, you could go to ONE, and then see if you think it is valueable to keep going..."

I'm looking for a new house, but I am not moving anywhere that is not COMPLETELY awesome.

Me-would you be mad if we didn't move right now?
Younger-I want to move before winter!
Me-The experts say it is not good to move children all the time.
Older-The experts are totally ridiculous! I want an adventure. Adventure is GOOD for children! We are an adventure family. We have been in this house too long.
Younger- We've moved a bazillion times and we like it! That's for only when you change schools and you lose all of your friends and stuff. We can stay in the same school. We vote MOVE!

In other news, I haven't been to a doctor, but I think I am severly anemic. After some research, I have discovered that I hate all iron rich foods and survive solely on foods that block iron from being absorbed by the body. I have been anemic before, so I am aware of what it feels like. It feels like the morning after a sleepover where you had a great time, got no sleep and ate cake and pizza and soda and then had to wake up early the next day...times twenty.

So, one thing that is rich in iron is something called BLACK STRAP MOLASSES. Does anyone know what to do with this stuff??? I've got a bottle of it. Now what?

love and light,
your friend,


  1. Black strap molasses... that stuff is really really good for you! Unfortunately it's also utterly vile tasting. I need the iron too, so here's what i do: dissolve a tablespoonful or so into a cup of hot water and (here's the tricky part,) pretend it's coffee... It really doesn't taste much like coffee, but this helps me get past the grotesque-ness of the taste. If you add some cream or milk it does make it more coffee-like and a bit more palatable. Here's to you Hil! And your increasing iron count! Cheers!

    I've missed ya♥

  2. Hey there! Rosie here in a new identity. I totally understand about not having the money to do what we want, but I am faithfully chanting my mantras and removing obstacles and trusting in the Universe to make sure I have the money I need when the moment is right! It's already happened once recently so I could attend a seminar this weekend, so my trust factor is right up there.

    As for the iron, I use B-12 to help with absorption, and I just take the pills. I'm of two minds on the blackstrap, if you read up on it, it's either the greatest thing ever, or the most vile thing every unleashed on an unsuspecting public. My jury is still out!

    Best of luck with everything!

  3. That molasses is vile. Try Floradix tonic (I just checked and it is available in the US). It's a natural iron tonic (made from nettles, spinach etc) that your body can absorb and that tastes OK, you only need a spoonful a day and it has miraculous effects. Tested and proved effective during loads of my and my friends' pregnancies. Make sure you get the iron one though as they make a variety. Your girls speak the truth. I'd say go on your thingy. You know you want to. I love you xxxx

  4. When you come back, you don't leave anything behind! I think that is good.

    Molasses - make cookies or quick bread. Or if you don't want the calories, shelf the molasses and take "Slow Iron" tablets (for pregnant women).

    Move - how far? You know there is a limit imposed by ME!

    Job - 99.9% are the same. If you want that wonderful-can't-wait-to-go-to-work job, you have to figure out what your passion is and go for it. (That is a passion where you are 100% happy every second of the work day. You may need more time to find it but it is out there.)

    Class - how much is too much?

    Kids - Do the kids want to come here Sunday, Monday, Tuesday (the fence is in) or wait until after the New York trip?

  5. Great to read your new blog and....boy....have you been busy replanning your life. My BIL is a shaman....he went for all the classes including a trip to Peru....and he got a lot out of it. I agree with your mother...try a class and see if you like it.
    Good luck with the house hunting...I'm with the need a new space, more room and a new adventure....I know you will make it into a lovely home.
    Don't know about the black strap molasses...what about Geritol? It WAS the big deal years it new and improved now or just not made anymore?

  6. molasses --> GINGERBREAD. iron AND fun.

    job: is your kids' school hiring? cause that sounds like a freeking awesome place, somewhere you could totally make a difference, and something you would love. (not teaching, i mean like running the place)

    move: i love those girls of yours :) they are definitely yours!! but i agree with you -- don't move just for the sake of change, you'll only saddle yourself with new problems. think about what you love and don't love about the pizza palace, and only move when your criteria are optimized :)

    also, we have missed you! welcome back :)

  7. If molasses were a requirement for me, I'd make molasses cookies and eat one or two a day :) If you need a recipe I'm pretty sure I have one.

  8. I have to tell you that "Anyone Else But You" is one of Amelia's favorite songs... she sings it to the babies at the daycare where she works. And she sings it to me too♥


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