The story, how I heard it...

so, like, me and my boy was drivin by this park, right?
and I say, yo, stop the car?

and he's like what the fuck?
and I said that is a straight giant turtle in the road, g!
and he said, like, whatever

and I was like, no, we gotta save him
and he was like, whatever, muthafucka

that turtle is straight

and I was like can you believe some nigga just left him here? He musta been a pet

and then he was like, No, that muthafucka too big
and I said whatev whatev
and we turned the car around

and I'm tellin ya this muthafucka was HUGE

HUGE!

HU_GE!

and it

have like a long tail and shit?
you ever seen a long tail on a turtle? Like what the fuck, right?

so, we go to pick it up, me and this negro
and it's like hissing like a mofo

and this thing is HEAVY
and it like darts its head out at us like dis
like dis, see?
and it has a point on it's mouth, like a beak

but, yo, I know how to handle this shit, right?
I mean, I gotta save the turtle, yo, right?

so I get a blanket, me and my boy, we get this blanket, right?
and we trow the blanket over the giant turlte muthafucka
and we put him in the trunk!

but, like this water starts pouring out of him
and it stink like a mother.
like stink to holy hell

Mountain interjects-Hector, that might possibly be turtle pee?

so the muthafucka pisses all over me, and my blanket, and thankfully
my friends car, right? Haha!

so, we drivin

we got the giant turtle, yo
with the weird ass long tail
and it fuckin stinkin
and we took it to this like, nice pond and shit

that aint got no roads around it and shit
and then we gotta get it out of the trunk, right?

so muthafucka gives me the blanket
and now it stinking and wet and shit
and the turtle is doing it's head like dis, see

and that beak shit is sharp!
and I say to my friend

you watch that tail, holmes
because it is possible that he is getting ready to hit you with that

and if that shit hit you, watch out!

right?

so, of course, I gotta grab the turtle
cause negro aint gonna help none.
did I say it was heavy, because when I say heavy
I mean that turtle was huge and HE-VEE

and it's got it's tail goin, and it's got it's beak goin, and it's hissin
and I'm grabbin it out of the trunk
and I got it, right? I got the turtle
and I can't leave it there

so I like put that heavy mutha down

and it don't move none.

So I like, tap it, yo
I like tap it, and it goes like a foot, then stops.

So, I like tap it again, right?
yo I tap that fucker again

that stinky fuckin turtle
and it goes another foot
so I gotta go tru this process all the way
to the mutha fuckin pond, yo.

and my friend is laughin his ass off
but I'm just laughin on the inside, yo
cause it be his car that stinkin!

and the turtle finally gets to that pond,
and he swim away

and he swim away just like dat.
Believe dis. Truly beautiful, yo.
Truly. Believe dis.