I thought I was so clever naming my last post Long, Hard 17.6 inches. It turns out, SOME people have this little gizmo when you leave a comment on their blog. After your name it SAYS THE TITLE OF YOUR LAST BLOG POST. For example, ahem,
Wow! That was a great entry!
-NotAMountain, long, hard 17.6 inches.
Now, if that ain't funny I don't know what is! :)
Today was a momentous historic day. Women, if you are sensitive, avert your eyes. I set foot in a regular western medicine doctor's office. I had this throat thing that felt like I had peeled all of the skin off of my gullet, and I thought,"Wow, penicillin might stop this excruciating pain!" Plus, you know, this little depression that I am going through isn't getting any easier, so I thought I could get it all done in one stop shopping! Like Target!
The doctor was so weird. He was not wearing a white coat. He was wearing a bright orange shirt and brown cargo pants. He looked like he was going hiking. He sat all curled in a corner like a cat, hunched over a laptop and just read off questions about my family history without ever looking at me or introducing himself. So I said,"Are you the doctor?"
"Yes,"he said, finally looking up.
"Oh, well, I thought the doctor would make eye contact and introduce himself."
And he said,"Well, I thought it was self explanatory. Who else would I be?" He didn't even crack a smile. I kind of loved him for that. My doctor is an unapologetic asshole.
Whatever. I got some codeine for my throat, a negative strep test, and some Zoloft. ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-loft. You have to say it like Soultrain.
Me-so, Doc, I came here for the magic depression cure.
Doc(still talking to the laptop)-There is no magic pill. You have to be willing to take the journey into your soul, and a therapist can only be your guide.
Me-(laughing)"oh really? can you recommend a guide?
Doc-Insurance companies have destroyed any relationship we ever had with mental health providers. Here's a script for Zoloft. Have a nice day.
But, you see, that is not true! Because I hold the magic depression cure right here in my hands. This is a real paper written by my darling younger daughter, age 7 and 11/12s
5 THINGS MOMMY HAS TAUGHT ME...
1. Perserverance-to keep trying til we get there
2.Cooking-how to make little things for each other
3.Small deeds of kindness-to help somebody in some nice way
4.How to use the computer-to use technology to look facts up and have fun
5. To be confident-Be Bold! Take confidence and fight back!
Ohhhhhhhhh!!!!! Oh! I'm going to frame it. I HAVE made a positive impact. I AM useful. Go me!
But, you see, that is not true! Because I hold the magic depression cure right here in my hands. This is a real paper written by my darling younger daughter, age 7 and 11/12s
5 THINGS MOMMY HAS TAUGHT ME...
1. Perserverance-to keep trying til we get there
2.Cooking-how to make little things for each other
3.Small deeds of kindness-to help somebody in some nice way
4.How to use the computer-to use technology to look facts up and have fun
5. To be confident-Be Bold! Take confidence and fight back!
Ohhhhhhhhh!!!!! Oh! I'm going to frame it. I HAVE made a positive impact. I AM useful. Go me!
P.S. I'm on drugs.
omg that is the cutest thing ever. EVER.
ReplyDeleteso did you try the zoloft? be careful with that stuff, i know bad stories of people getting hooked on the meds. my mom would give you a lecture up one side and down the other about how they are THE BEGINNING OF THE END.
I think most drs. are tied to the laptop these days....however, they should be making eye contract with you for Pete's sake. Hope the meds help you but I think posting that love letter of 5 things on your bathroom mirror and reading it to yourself every day should do the trick too.
ReplyDeleteSpeechless! Almost. You went to a doctor--and what a doctor. Name please -- I think a visit to him might be refreshing. Not that I would be singing his phrases when I left the office. And that girl .... there are no words for her. Frame it, put it in the bathroom where you can see it daily. She has done your affirmations for you. (Sorry about the AA reference, I'm currently reading books about addiction.)
ReplyDeleteI was one of the chucklers at the 17. inch thing. My mind went there and decided that there would be "no getting anywhere with THAT"
ReplyDeleteThis post was so good. I have been tempted to email a picture with my tongue stuck out so they could examine it on their computer with their back turned. That would keep them occupied while I took all their rubber gloves and tongue depressors. They ain't doing anything with them.
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ReplyDeleteEr, Please disregard the above comment. The Pirate Queen got loose and was seriously trying to be amok.
ReplyDeleteI think your daughter knows your value, indeed. That does belong in a frame. Maybe several copies in several frames.
Oh god, I LOVE YOUR NEW PAGE. I want one, do me one pleeeeeeeeease. When are you home so I can call you and we can chat - could we make a date for the weekend?? I love you and want to hold you in my arms. It's OK to need help sometimes and it's Ok to ask for help and it's essential to remember the help that you have given to others, who's lives you have improved no end. Anna xxx
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