Hello from my husband's laptop! My desktop has a virus, so I have been missing for the past few days. I also have been having hormonal issues. My period was later than it has ever been (when I was not actually pregnant, of course), and it brought with it crying. Like, all day long crying. Missing-two-days-of-work crying. I'm trying to put it into perspective, and say,"THIS IS HORMONES. THIS WILL PASS," but I am feeling a bit, how to say it delicately...panicked that it might never stop, with a side of horrible.
My mom thinks everything is caused by exhaustion. "You planned the wedding, got married, you started a new job, the kids went to a new school, then you went on your honeymoon...now you are exhausted!" I didn't think I was exhausted, but after I got the kids up, packed the lunches and put them on the bus, I went back to bed and slept until one in the afternoon. ONE IN THE AFTERNOON! This is not something I do. EVER. I'm a morning person.
My sister thought maybe I was crying because I wasn't pregnant. No. Not. I'm crying because of every ridiculous excuse I can think of..."I'm faaaaaaaaaaaat. I don't own a house and I will never, ever own a HOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE. I don't get any child suppooooooooooooooooort. I am not independently wealthy and I can't do my art allllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!" This is why I am pretty convinced it is hormones. It's definitely not anything, well, real.
I have decided it is like a cold in my eyeballs that makes them leak, and I will rest, and it will go away. Because I Said So. I have spent my convalescence reading young adult novels. A lot of them. I read : Kiri-Kiri, The Princess Academy, The Journey to River-Sea, Esperanza Rising, and The Penderwicks. The girls have heaps of these things, and they are great! I especially LOVED Esperanza Rising, and I also LOVED The Journey to River-Sea...so lovely, like a beautiful painting that stretches on and on. Is there a movie of River Sea? I will have to look into that.
The girls and my husband have been totally awesome and patient about all of this. The girls have just seen me reading a lot, and not the full-on drama. They are absorbed in preparing for halloween, learning the water cycle, and playing outside with their friends, as they should be. Their lunches are packed and their days have been inquired about, and my compulsive Young Adult novel reading is but a blip on their radars.
My husband has had his own struggles with Depression with a capital D in his life, and I have never seen a more compassionate human being when it comes to this sort of thing. With tear-swollen eyes, I said,"I think I'm dying!" and he hugs me and kisses me and assures me that I am not. He takes me to the gym. This will pass. This will pass. This will pass.
So, I guess this will pass.
What to do when ridiculous like this:
Release guilt for not fulfilling all of one's obligations
Do nice things for one's self
Get dressed every day