Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Let's Talk About MY PERIOD! Yay For YOU!

My period has been late exactly three times in the past 19 years. Elder Daughter, Younger Daughter, and now. I thought I was due on the 19th, but I forgot that Feb was a short month. Then I thought I was due on the 22. Didn't come. So then I bought a first response pregnancy test. NEGATIVE. Ok, cool. I can wait.

23rd passes.

24th passes.

25th passes. Now I am starting to sweat.

26th I must be pregnant, right? I take another pregnancy test. NEGATIVE. I shake it and look at the thing. Where did my period go? It's not something that you can just loose, like keys, is it?

27th passes.

28th passes. I wonder if I have a disease. I call my mother and tell her I'm dying from no period and that I'm sorry I wasn't a better daughter.

29th passes. My brow is furrowed all day long.

30th, the full moon arrives, and with it, long awaited AUNT FLO. I feel the need to announce this loudly in the bathroom at work, just like a two year old going potty in public for the first time. It was a triumphant moment. My coworkers, both men, want to know what I'm beaming about all of a sudden. We have a celebratory Mountain Is Not Pregnant coffee toast..."Salud!" "L'Chaim!" Yes, seriously.

So, we are fine. I had pneumonia, people, and I suppose that is enough to royally knock me off of my internal clock. All these people said,"you don't seem that sick", and now I know I was really sick because MY PERIOD WAS LATE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!! I must have been on the brink of death. My body literally didn't even know what day it was.

So, this is the great thing for which I am very grateful. Right now, I would love to be pregnant, and I would also be just as happy NOT to be pregnant. No harm, no foul. The agony was in the not knowing. Yes, I did actually refer to myself as The Barren Queen in conversation, that was like, only once.

love and light,
your friend,


  1. Oh, Gurl! Whew! I was sweating FOR you!

  2. not to rain on your big parade but it could be a sign of things to come like periomenopause....But I was like you and seldom missed a month and my change didn't come until my late 50s

  3. I'm laughing so hard! I remember those long, long days of waiting to find out. God knew what He was doing when He cut short my child-bearing years. Otherwise, I'd have probably had more than the five I claim.


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