Being Stupid Is Nice

My sleep life is wonderful. Last night I dreamed that my husband was the promoter for a huge heavy metal rave in a warehouse. There was black room after black room filled with bands and party people in weird costumes. There were zaftig naked women painted to look like cats. There was a band that was playing on mattresses and singing heavy metal songs very quietly in whispery voices as if they were lullabies.


Brittany Spears was there, and a few friends from high school, and a few current friends. I was trying to get to the back of the building because I knew my husband was working there, but I kept running into people and interesting things and getting sidetracked. I was wearing lime green high heels, and a blue scarf with skulls on it on my head. It was entirely real, and when I woke up I felt like I had been out all night, and not asleep in bed at all. I came home from work halfway through the day. Why WHY can't I live in my imagination? Having a body is such a bore. I certainly hope that this is my last incarnation into a meat suit.

I'm getting into dangerous territory with missed work. Because I have not been at my current job a year yet, I do not qualify for FMLA, which would allow me the flexibility I need. I really need flexibility all the time, being a parent, and just being me. Shockingly, me and corporate america aren't a great fit.

I was remembering that not long ago my husband and I were fighting every day. Now I can't even remember what all that was about. I have been thinking a lot about the beauty of his jaw. Today he left a love note in my truck for me to find on my way home from work. This disease is forcing me to let go of everything. I don't have the energy. I don't have the energy to find matching socks in the morning, let alone formulate an argument. Maybe that is what it feels like to be really old,"I'm really pissed off at you right now....um....but it's gone now....what were we talking about?"

I feel the same about work. "I hate this job...oh, look, donuts...lalala." It is good not to think so much. I have to save my creativity for dreaming.