Gretel brings so much joy into my life. She knows when my bedtime is, and she comes to have her ears scratched before I fall asleep. Regardless of how irritating my day has been, I fall asleep happy, listening to her purring. In the morning, my husband looks for her, and gives her "talks" about her obligation to end mouse lives. He brings her presents from the dollar store. Watching him fall in love with Gretel makes me think he will be a very good Dad to a baby.
I had to sign up for my health insurance benefits today, which also makes me think about babies. I want to have two more, but I didn't plan the first two, and so I have no experience in planned babies. It's all new! How much money do I need? When is the right time? Now? Later? Never? What should I do? How much does prenatal care cost? How long does it take? When will it happen? What if I don't like the thing, can I send it back? Apparently, there is a no return policy. My worst fear is giving birth to an asshole.
My best friend freaked out today when I talked about this with her. She has a strong opinion: NO MORE BABIES! NO! NO! NO! I think in her worldview only truly insane people have more than two. For me, I feel so enriched by my girls, and I feel like having a big family would be a dream come true. Even after every ounce of excrutiating hell I withstood in my divorce and ensuing custody nightmare, that never obscurred the joy that I get from my kids. To me, the experience was hell/mothering is AWESOME!
I want to experience what it all would be like with a loving, stable, rational partner, too. I missed that when my girls were small. I want to build a beautiful tribe, and have that be part of my legacy. My mom warns me that the age difference between the girls and whichever children we eventually have will be difficult. My mom had one in highschool, one in middle and one in elementary, and was very, very tired. My husband, forever the optimist, says who better to help the children navigate the situation than me, having lived it myself?
Sure, there is money and time and resources to worry about, and I'm taking the time to worry about them this time. I'm trying something new: Looking Before I Leap. Thinking Before Acting. Plannnnnnnnnnnnning.
“When planning for a year, plant corn. When planning for a decade, plant trees. When planning for life, train and educate people.”-Chinese Proverb
Shrug. We'll see. Family planning gives us the illusion of control, but still there are an infinite number of uncontrollable variables. There, exactly, is the point where I contemplate the role of The Gods. We'll see.
I am all for babies... consider me a pro-baby voice in your life;) My kids are very different ages, but personally I like it that way. Very much. I like having only one child in each stage, so I can savor that individual child as they pass through the particular idiosyncrasies and blessings of each phase... without comparing them to anyone else. Plus having only one babe at a time means that little one will be cherished and nurtured by a whole houseful of folk. Sigh.... I want another baby.
ReplyDeletePeople tell me that eventually I will get to the point where I don't really want any more babies, but I'm thinkin' if I haven't gotten there already, it's not likely I ever will. Besides I think Noah would make an absolutely awesome big brother. he concurs, but he insists that said younger sibling must be a boy.
A new baby is a lovely thought. Your girls would be so good at nuturing a new little being in your life. My mother had a surprise baby who was born when I was a senior in high school. Mary was like my own child...I adored her and still do....I think of myself as her big sister/mother and her children are like my grandchildren. I expect if it is meant to be, a baby will come along and all of you will be happy....
ReplyDeleteHow much babies cost you out of pocket totally depends on 1) what your insurance pays 2) whether or not everything is "normal". The first you can find out in your benefits book, the second you simply pray for in whatever way you choose. The other things to consider are do you have space in your home for the wee ones because moving costs. Do you have space in a vehicle for 2 plus a car seat - if not that's another expensive adjustment. As for time between who cares it's all your attitude. I'm 21 years younger than my oldest brother. I think my mother was well past tired.
ReplyDeleteStart with one more and see how it goes Or maybe one more kitty cat! I lub Gretel.
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